Obama: The Anti-Christ?

When I am between gigs on the road I pull out my iPhone and surf the net looking for stories about me. Since I am the most interesting thing happening in the United States right now who can blame me, right?

Anyhoo, I am drinking a Tab and I come across a site that is simply breathtaking in its insanity. By the way, just so you know, Tab doesn't lose any of its fizz when passed through your nose. Yep, still fizzy... and uncomfortable.

The site is called BarackObamaAntiChrist, and purports to pull back the curtain on my evil, secret, devilish plans for all of humanity. What it does accomplish is pulling back the curtain on what is clearly the deeply bizarre religious paranoia of the writer.

"Barack Obama may be the Antichrist, he has risen up out of no where, he mesmerizes crowds, people are gathering in huge numbers, he is likely becoming the next President of the United States. Do not look only to what I say, but look to your Bibles, to passages in John, Daniel, and Revelations."

Wow. That's it? People like me? They think I might bring honor and rule of law back to the country after 7 years of totalitarian fuck-up? Well, according to the author, its all that stuff and some fairly liberal application of passages from a book translated from two or three ancient languages that also indicates it's fine to own slaves, take possession of the wife of your dead brother, and stone people who work on the sabbath. A rather fine guide for civilized behavior, if you ask me.

Another reason that stands out as evidence O is the Anti-Christ is that I once reached into my pants pocket at a campaign stop and pulled out a pocket full of good luck charms and shit. Among them was a golden Hindu monkey charm. A fucking monkey charm. Hindu. Dude, I didn't even know whose pants those were. I sometimes have no idea what I am wearing or where it came from. They seemed to fit me.

I am almost certain that the level of crazy exhibited by the author of this site can only be attained by sitting for hours in your own feces and smacking your genitalia with a ping-pong paddle while masturbating into a rubber glove to reruns of Match Game on the Game Show Network. It also helps if you were breast fed until your senior year of high school. I just hope this person is under the direct care of a doctor. Any fucking doctor.

During this campaign I have found that people will exercise astonishing mental gymnastics to justify their own racist or partisan political/religious viewpoints. You don't have to like O, there are plenty of valid reasons not to, but it is pathetic to be so small that you need others to feel the same way to validate your position.