The Big Smackdown: First Debate

Spanked that ass... spanked that ass... SPANKED THAT ASS.

Prepping for the Debate

Yo, young ones, I am busy prepping for the debate with the Mummy, or as I like to call it The Big Smackdown. Am I confident? Hell, I've aready ordered a dozen T-Shirts that say "Quit Shouting, Old Man. That Thing in Front of You is Called a Microphone" for my staff of Obamanaughts.

I'm going to rip Mr. McAngry Pants a new asshole.

Yeah, I Finally Called Them Out on the Lies

Me in Flint, Michigan today. Just starting to get tired of their lying bullshit.

Piling on Sarah Palin

Asante sana, Seth Grahame-Smith for the 8 Reasons Sarah Palin is More Qualified than Barack Obama article in HuffPost. Much love to you and yours for making O howl with laughter.

A short, tasty morsel of his great piece:

So let's set the record straight. Sarah Pahlen (sp?) is not only more qualified for the Oval Office than Barack Obama -- she might just be the most qualified political candidate in our nation's history:

1. Putting Country First - Her membership in the Alaska Independence Party proves that she's exactly the kind of leader America needs: the kind that will always put country first -- even if that country happens to be The Republic of Alaska. Obama claims he loves America -- but has he ever loved it enough to favor seceding from it? It's called tough love, Senator. Look into it.

Please visit HuffPost to read the entire article. Rich.

Obama: The Movie

O wanted to post this in case y'all missed it last night. This flik was done, I was told, by both Spielberg and Scorsese and was written by Paul Haggis and George Lucas. If you look closely you can spot cameos of Denzel, Pacino and Kira Knightly. It is a sweeping post-modern epic. Enjoy, young ones. My eyes make water when I see a thing of this beauty.



Make sure all of your friends and family see this. Make it viral, Obamabots.

Last Night in Denver: The One

Happy Birthday to Me

Yes, sweet ones, it is O's birthday today. Sing happy birthday to me when you get a moment.

Of Norris, Tebow and Obama

Asante sana, to Christopher Beam of Salon for giving O the Tim Tebow/Chuck Norris treatment. This list made O laugh until he wet himself. Much love to you and yours, Christopher.

Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.

A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.

Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.

Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.

Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.

Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.

There's only one artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.

Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.

Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.

Barack Obama's new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.

Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.

Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT.

Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME.

Obamabots, follow Christopher's suggestion and send the email on his site around to everyone in your address book who ever sent you penis enlargement emails. Unrestrained spamming and your hard work will get us to the Promised Land.