Smarty Pants Black Man

You remember Karl Rove, or Rovehole as I like to call him, right? He is the genius who right-wingers laughingly refer to as the architect. That's rich given that the Supremes handed Dum W the 2000 election and then the Swifters and homophobia won in 2004. The guy hasn't done a damn thing except to be at the right place at the right time.

My favorite recollection of Rovehole is when he claimed that the GOP wouldn't lose seats in the 2006 midterms, even though all of the numbers everyone else was running indicated otherwise. His response to a question challenging his over-confident assertions was that while the interviewer had access to some math, Rovehole claimed he had access to "THE math." We know how that turned out for the architect. Stupid piece of shit.

Anypop, Rovehole gave a pep talk to some of the downtrodden white-wingers in Congress and finalized the main talking points against me for this election year. He tells them that he finds me "cooly arrogant." That's the refrain you'll hear from all of the Republitrons from now to November.

This, of course, is coded historical messaging. What he means is that O is an uppity nigger. This resonates with angry, small-minded, white ultra-conservatives. The Urban Dictionary defines uppity nigger as "An out of place black person who is out of line and thinks they are as good as or better than the white person they are standing next to." Rosa Parks was called uppity. As were Martin and Malcolm.

You see it isn't just that O is a Democrat or that O is Black. It comes down to him being an uppity nigger who doesn't know his place and has the nuts to think he is as good or better than a white person. If I were a white candidate I would be called confident, strong or smart. It would all be considered the exhibition of leadership qualities. Since I am Black... I am arrogant. Cooly arrogant.

This won't play with Independents, but they'll try. Rovehole is a fat fucking racist rube.

The Price of Peace

Today I wrote a personal check for $2,300 to Hill. My girl Moneypenny and her husband wrote one too. This is to help her with her campaign debt. It isn't that the money bothers me but this is money, after all, she blew trying to beat me. This was money she didn't have. She knew it when she spent it. She was so focused on short term gain that she didn't think about this moment. That is foolish and risky behavior.

And yet her supporters still think she is more qualified to be Prezo than I am. Interesting, right? Yawn.

Activist Judges

The Supremes just ruled that the right to bear arms is an individual right not to be confused with what the actual amendment actually states.

For those unaware of the exact phrasing of the Second Amendment:

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed.”

The majority's asinine and activist ruling:

“The Second Amendment protects an individual right to possess a firearm unconnected with service in a militia, and to use that arm for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home.”

Unconnected with service in a militia? WTF? Yeah, let's just throw out the words we don't like or that stand to confuse a simple populace or that stand in the way of some twitchy, sweaty fuck in Idaho owning as many guns as Norway.

If one takes the time to read the Federalist Papers, written by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay as a defense of the U.S. Constitution in the run up to its ratification, you'll find that the word militia occurs nine (9) times. Each of those times it is in the context of a National Guard or citizen force.

I am sure we won't hear screams of anguish from the right about justices reading into the Constitution interpretations that comport with their prevailing political beliefs on this one.

One more example of the fucking hypocritical right. God, O needs to be Prezo now. This is getting out of hand.

Let's Get Ready to Rumble!

I'm sure you've heard about the latest beef that one of the Dark Ones has started with O. Dr. James Dobson, from some Christian organization called 'Fuck Over the Familes,' just realized he has a problem with a speech I gave two years ago. Evidently news from the real world doesn't reach Dr. Dobson until much later than it reaches the rest of us. When you meet him be careful not to mention that the Soviet Union broke up. He is pen pals with Stalin.

Anypop, he didn't like that I pointed out the obvious in that you can't base public policy on biblical passages. Not that you can't have moral beliefs that are anchored in religion that then inform your politics. O's religion informs his politics. I would reserve nothing less for the rest of the O Nation.

Here is what I said: "Democracy demands that the religiously motivated translate their concerns into universal rather than religion-specific values. It requires their proposals be subject to argument and amenable to reason."

Here is what the Time-challenged Dark One heard: "What the senator is saying there, in essence, is that 'I can't seek to pass legislation, for example, that bans partial-birth abortion, because there are people in the culture who don't see that as a moral issue, and if I can't get everyone to agree with me, than it is undemocratic to try to pass legislation that I find offensive to the Scripture. Now, that is a fruitcake interpretation of the Constitution."

God, I love that level of insanity. It is so pure, so clean, so complete. It is simply breathtaking in its absurdity.

No prob, my boy Jim Wallis has got O's back, big time. Let it fly, Jay Dub:

First, Dobson and Minnery's language is simply inappropriate for religious leaders to use in an already divisive political environment. We can agree or disagree on both biblical and political viewpoints, but our language should be respectful and civil, not attacking motives and beliefs.

Blam!

Contrary to Dobson's charge, Obama was very strong in defending the right and necessity of people of faith bringing their moral agenda to the public square, and was specifically critical of many on the left and in his own Democratic Party for being uncomfortable with religion in politics.

Obama said that religion is and has always been a fundamental and absolutely essential source of morality for the nation, but also said that "religion has no monopoly on morality," which is a point that I often make. The United States is not the Christian theocracy that people like James Dobson seem to think it should be. Political appeals, even if rooted in religious convictions, must be argued on moral grounds rather than as sectarian religious demands--so that the people (citizens), whether religious or not, may have the capacity to hear and respond. Religious convictions must be translated into moral arguments, which must win the political debate if they are to be implemented. Religious people don't get to win just because they are religious. They, like any other citizens, have to convince their fellow citizens that what they propose is best for the common good-- for all of us and not just for the religious.

Kaboom ! That sound you just heard, Obamabots, was a literary nuclear explosion. Asante sana, Jim. Much love to you and yours.

A Skankicon Making Lemonade

O Nation, I have written about the so-called liberal mainstream press doing the work of their corporate masters by turning every story about the election into a Wonderland version of reality where up is down and in is out. Here is yet another hilarious example of this desperate and childish behavior.

Some skankicon named Salena Zito, who is solely responsible for the fantastic choices in her life that led to her working at the renowned Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, sees nothing but good news for the Mummy in the latest Newsweek poll that has me opening up a lead on him.

In a post titled "Shades of Dukakis, Obama Up 15," Zito uses the crystal ball she has (I wonder where this ball was on Sept. 10, 2001?) to let you know that a lead, especially a big lead, is a sure sign of future political Apocalypse. Says she:

"In May of 1988 after all of the Democratic primaries ended presumptive nominee Michael Dukakis enjoyed a 54 to 38 percent lead over then Ronald Reagan wing man George H.W. Bush.

H.W. went on to win in that November handily

This evening a new Newsweek poll shows Obama having a giant lead, from 51 percent to 36 percent, over McCain among registered voters across the country.

Obama got his bounce, Dukakis style."

By the way, who the fuck still uses the term "wing man?" That is so fucking 80s, which explains where Ms Zito's head is, when it isn't firmly planted in what I can only assume is her large and misshaped NeoCon ass.

Yet one more ignorant fuck trying to wring lemonade out of the mountains of fucking lemons I'm about to peel off for the NeoCon pricks who have screwed up this country to the point it is in now.

Yes, Ms Zito, I am shaking in my boots. I was hoping to be behind in every poll taken between now and the election. That's the safest place to be in an election... behind.

Jeez... what a stupid fuck.

Angry Black Woman

My brotha in struggle and Lead Obamavangelist 'T' from the very smart progressive blog, The Republic of T, has a sweet ass smack-down of the Angry Black Woman narrative currently dominating the conservative, and now mainstream, media cycles about Misha.

A tasty tidbit:

"I’ve notice something. No one seems to seems to question whether the angry white men that swept Newt Gingrich and the Republican majority into power in 1994 were justified in their anger. It’ assumed that whatever they’re angry about they have a right to be angry about."

"But not so for the so called 'angry black women.' Their anger is somehow less 'real' and less justified. Perhaps that that’s because being angry is a privilege in this culture. Anger, if you are a minority, is dangerous. If you are a woman, or a person of color, gay, etc., your movements must be calm, your voice must be modulated, and your anger must ever show."

Do yourself a solid, Obamabots, jet over to T's and read the complete essay. It is a mind-opening piece of work. I would expect nothing less of this brotha.

Asante sana, Terrance, for coming to the defense of Misha. Much love to you and yours.

Of Norris, Tebow and Obama

Asante sana, to Christopher Beam of Salon for giving O the Tim Tebow/Chuck Norris treatment. This list made O laugh until he wet himself. Much love to you and yours, Christopher.

Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.

A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.

Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.

Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.

Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.

Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.

There's only one artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.

Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.

Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.

Barack Obama's new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.

Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.

Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT.

Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME.

Obamabots, follow Christopher's suggestion and send the email on his site around to everyone in your address book who ever sent you penis enlargement emails. Unrestrained spamming and your hard work will get us to the Promised Land.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Barack Obama

The Davids (Axe and Pluff) and I are launching a new round of ads designed to introduce me to the American people. Moneypenny assures me we can run them forever.

The Mummy has been so busy running from fundraiser to fundraiser, in a futile attempt to match the bottomless money machine I like to call the O Nation, that he failed to leverage the time during which Hill and I were dusting it up to define me. Most polls show that many people just don't know me yet. They've left me a huge opening.

Well here you are future Obamamaniacs, O uncut and in his own humble words:


Sweet, right? Feel free to watch it again. I'll wait.

We are running the ads in heavy rotation in Alaska, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Iowa, Indiana, Michigan, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Virginia. When's the last time a Dem ran hard in some of those states?

You can almost smell the fear coming from the Mummy's campaign, can't you? Oh, the joy! The O Revolution will change the American political map forever. And all of this will happen because of you, my lovelies.

Asante sana, for your devotion, passion and your mad loot.

And I'm the Extremist?

This just in from Republican Illinois Rep. Mark Kirk:

"I would much rather have a policy where if we see Obama, there's a shoot-on-sight order."

Wow. If I or Misha said some nasty shit like that about McCain, or even just talked about his ancient ass suffering a heart attack, we'd be pilloried in the liberal media. And this isn't the first time one of these Bats have alluded to this sick shit.

You see, Obamabots, it isn't just us versus the Rethuglicans, it is us versus corporate-owned media that knows that a Mummy win continues the current nut-sack smooching of Wall Street types that has been occurring for the last 8 years. And a win by us, the people, means that Main Streets everywhere win.

Keep working hard, young ones. Our time is near. These weak bitches don't scare O.

White Evangelicals Don't Color Between the Lines

It seems that white evangelicals will gladly sell out their brotha in faith, just proving that the takeover of white evangelical religious communities by the Rethuglicans is complete.

"A Washington Post-ABC News poll released this week found McCain collecting about 68 percent of the white evangelical vote, compared to Barack Obama's 22 percent. That number is very similar to level of support President Bush received in June 2004, when he led then Democratic nominee Sen. John Kerry 65 to 30 among white evangelicals."

The Mummy hasn't seen the inside of a Church since he escaped from his unholy crypt back in the 1930s. He is a warmonger who spits at the "Thou shalt not kill" rule when polling determines he needs to sound manly instead of compassionate. He screwed around on the wife who stayed by his side and raised his kids while he was a POW, only to finally leave her for a 26 year old heiress with a firm ass while his wife suffered through recovering from auto injuries. 

Meanwhile I, a born-again Christian who has regularly attended a Christian church for the past 20 years, get no love from the fish folks. All because the man (a former US Marine) who brought me to my Awesome God, strayed from him in his later years. At least I'd like the think that's the reason (?). I have been faithfully married to the same woman for 16 years, and by all accounts am a doting and loving father to two amazing daughters. And, after college I eschewed the big money a Harvard degree summons to go a work in underprivileged urban areas for $13k a year.

Sometimes Christians can be the worst advertisement for Christianity. Fuck 'em.

On an aside, I love this comment on the WaPo site from a reader called The Oracle, in reaction to some of the more Batshit comments about me and my faith left on the site by the frantic, sweaty masses who call themselves Christians:

"I see the Obama Haters are out in full force today......Dukes of Hazzard must be off......"

Asante sana, Oracle, for crystalizing my thoughts so eloquently. Much love to you and yours.

Enter the Godfather

(Should have been President) Al Gore endorsed me yesterday while in Michigan. I was vibe'n  pretty hard. It was hella cool to be on stage with the Inconvenient One. It was kinda nutless that he waiting until now to do this but, okay. Whatever.

Before we went out we were talking in the green room and he tells me that he has given up cars completely. So, I say "how did you get here?" He answers me with, and I shit you not, something about riding switch grass. I don't know if he's pulling my leg or not at this point but he is not smiling.

I make an excuse to leave the room and I ask Misha to tell Axe to keep the guy away from me. Weird.

Mr. McCain... Your Pants are on Fire

Do you think I am playing when I say that the Mummy is running for Dum W's third term? I am not and now I have art to prove it.


All you Mummy sycophants can hate the messenger all you want, but these are your boy's own words. What say thee, asshats?

Asante sana, BarbinMD for bringing this priceless example of Straight Talk to O's attention.

With Friends Like These...

Man, I have been looking for my Glock all morning long. I think Misha hid it again. When I find it O is going to bring some serious pain to someone.

Have you checked this shit out? Some completely ridiculous asshole in Tennessee named Fred Hobbs, who claims to be involved with the Democratic party somehow, gave the following quote to a local newspaper about some soft support for me by politicians in Tennessee:

"I'm not sure we know enough about him. He's got some bad connections, and he may be terrorist connected for all I can tell. It sounds kind of like he may be."

Judas Priest! Is this guy for real? This kind of F Troop insubordination is why the Democrats have been their own worse enemy in national elections. I swear if I find my gat I am gonna bust a cap in this fucking idiot. What the hell is going on in the Volunteer State? Misha keeps telling me I need to find my "calm, still pond" and take a moment to get it together.

Fuck that.

It is hammering time. This is O's party now. You will walk in lockstep unity like the Rethuglicans or you can walk the fuck out. Hillary is still asking me what she can do for me and I think I just might have her 'Vince Foster' this half-wit. Hill does her own wet-work. She's done it before. She'll do it again.

Listen, I know it is hard to shift those biases off and to think about a Black man doing something other than serving you lunch, but this is Our TimeTM and O is about to be the first Black Prezo. Ya'll need to stop hating and get used to it.

I am the new face of America. I am the American Dream, manifest.

O, out.

Well-cooked Rice

Damn, Condi was snubbed by the Israelis like a motherfucker. Ouch. That's gotta sting. You see Obamabots, the rest of the world awaits O. Do your work and do it well, young ones. Now is our time.

I will evict all those Israelis from their dusty worthless shanties. And then we will have peace for all times. Just watch. Sometimes it is just that easy.

By the way, as much as I detest her ideology -- and O does detest it -- I feel like I need to give girl a shout out on the thickness. Yummy.

Happy Father's Day

Yo, just want to reach out and offer a Happy Dad's Day to those fathers who are out there doing the right thing. You know who you are. Keep on doing the real shit and giving your children what they need to become responsible and loving adults. They need you.

To the rest of you irresponsible pricks out there who confuse sharing sperm with fatherhood I have something for you too. Do humankind a favor and wear a condom, worthless asshats.

Money quote from my speech: "we need fathers to realize that responsibility does not end at conception.” Baby, that's good shit.

You see, white people can't say this shit without coming off as racists or Sean Hannity. It's all about context, tone and delivery. Plus, Black folks have had enough of white folks telling us how to behave regardless of whether those comments have any validity.

How's that for a Sister Souljah moment?

Damn, I am a political animal!

FakeNews Channel

This one shouldn't suprise anyone with one good ear connected to a functioning brain, but FakeNews Channel announced that Gov. Mike Huckabee has joined the channel as a Political Commentator. Heh heh heh... Yet another right wing mouth piece on the channel that is the mouth piece for the Rethuglican party.

They're no better than the Communist Party's Pravda, prior to 1991.

I love this comment: "I hope to bring the unique perspective from `inside the dragon's belly' as well as to try and speak for the millions of hardworking middle-class Americans who really do feel that their voices are not being heard."

'Cause Dems, latinos and African Americans aren't real "hardworking middle-class Americans," only white Christian conservatives are on FakeNews. Jeez....

This is why the Bats will be relegated to regional significance for a generation after the O Revolution.

I Heart Keith

Dude, Keith Olbermann is fucking off the chain. I think I have a man-crush on the stud.

Context my ass! Rock that shit, son.

50 States and No Prisoners

Yo, this small quote from the latest evidence of my strategic brilliance has sent shudders through Batland:

I am proud to announce that our presidential campaign will be the first in a generation to deploy and maintain staff in every single state.

Yeah... all the bastards in the old wrinkled white man party just soiled themselves. It had been so much easier for them to win national elections, since Nixon's racist Southern Strategy, when nutless Dems ceded entire sections of the country to these mental midgets.

Not anymore. The tide is turning and soon the Bats will be a marginalized regional party. I am coming for you, Republibats! And O is taking no prisoners.

Booyah!

Pen Pal

I find it peculiar it seems to be news to some that I would take the time to personally respond to Scarlett Johansson's emails. Really? This is news? Have you seen her?

Jesus, she makes my pants tight.

Lying Liars

I actually had to drop loot to build a team of top notch white hats to battle the crap rumors spinning around the net pretending to be news.

Now Obamabots can respond in kind to inconsiderately stupid asshats that have the temerity to forward you some of this filth. Just go here and help us set the record straight.

If someone sends you something saying that my left nut has a tat of the Great Satan on it... well, that one isn't debunked yet but you get the idea.

The truth shall set them free, Obamabots!

20 Names, Really

The first Obama Administration misinformation campaign has already begun. Axe and I have put the word out that we have 20 names as possiblilities in the Veepstakes

That's kinda bullshit.

I already know who it is. We are just working out some timing details and the such. You'll be blown away when I finally tell you. It is genius. Absolutely something only I would think of. Wow. This choice is so out of the box it just freaks me out thinking about it.

The world will be amazed.

Cool as the Other Side of the Pillow

Ladies... O is smoking HOT, isn't he? O is hella-cool.

Nothing to report here. I just wanted to post this fine ass pic. Don't hate the playa, hate the game.

Things That Go Bump...

It would seem that the Mummy is starting to fade a little. You might as well quit now Mummy. This is going to be a historic ass whooping. Reagan vs. Mondale ring a bell?

I almost feel sorry for him.

Somewhere in the South

I gave a kick ass speech in North Carolina today. I am at the beginning of a two week offensive against the Mummy and I think I am still somewhere down south. Axe said it would be smart to stay down here and not run back to America as soon as the speech was over.

Anypop, I have been trying to figure out why I can't wipe this shit-eating grin off my face this week and I think I've figured it out. It isn't just that I beat Hill, it's that I whooped the entire DLC. You know them. They are the centrist group of Dems trying hard to act like Republibats. These pricks have taken their lead from The Slick One after he successfully triangulated core GOPee positions after Newt bum-rushed Congress in 1994.

This primary season has been a smack down of all of that cowardice shit. You win elections by contrasting your position against the other party's. Not by trying to be more like them than they are. Fucking wannabes.

This election will present a real choice. Liberal or Conservative? Change or more of the same? Tall and virile or short and Viagra laced? Alive and vibrant or barely conscious? Choose a side, homie. This is going to be quite a ride.

First Salvo

Yeah, this is just the beginning. I am so kicking your ass on this economy thing, Mummy. By the time I am through linking you to Bush's historically atrocious economic policies you'll be sobbing in between Cindy Stepford's taunt, saline-filled teats for me to stop.

Is it just me or is she stiffer than my O-Rod at a Beyonce concert? Word.

Could You Be More Un-Hip?

Jesus folks, what me and Misha did is not a fist bump or fist pound or terrorist fist jab (WTF!)... it is called a "dap." Simple. One syllable. Easy. Hip.

Fucking square-ass, white bread, liberal news media! It is amazing I can stand being in the same room as you folks. Misha can't stand you.

Nervous Wreck

Ya'll know that I'm a complete geek, right? I got it bad with Apple. You can see from the image that, yes, I sport an iPhone (I like to call it the OPhone). All the real playas have copped one. You just can't be a Big G without the OPhone. Fuck buttons. That's old skool.

Anypop, Apple's WWDC takes place today and I am freaking. I really want a 3G OPhone. Really want one. Really. The one I sport now is cool and all but I can't watch Will.I.Am's amazingly appropriate and unbiased "Yes We Can" over Edge. And my speeches hesitate and stop and start and shit, making me look like the Mummy on his best day.

Jobs hasn't returned my calls either, which kinda pisses me off. I just want to be the first to get one, man. You know, before the truly uncool masses start showing up at bowling alleys with them. I might have to slap his vegan ass.

Sigh! O, out.

Unity Shmunity

I am sick and tired of hearing all of this pansy-assed wailing and gnashing of teeth about whether the Dems will be unified in November.

Of course they fucking will.

In 2000 a full 51% of McCain supporters stated they wouldn't vote for Dum W in the general election. As we now know they all fell into line to smooch on his sack and push him over the top for his first general election win.

Real Dems ain't gonna vote for the Mummy who would roll back Rowe v. Wade, appoint more Scalias and (Uncle) Thomases to the Supremes, open up ANWR to drilling, and keep U.S. troops in Iraq for 100 years. Let alone someone who admits they know nothing about the economy.

Dude, I am not sweating this at all.

It's the Economy, Stupid

Whoa... I am really vibe'n now. The Mummy released his first multi-state ad of the general election campaign and, wouldn't you know it, the idiot is going on about the war.

Assclown. This election will be all about folks' pockets.

Pockets are getting thin all over and he is talking about some depressing shit half-way around the world. I had Misha start picking out new table settings for the White House when I saw this lame crap. Sasha wants to paint the Resolute Desk the same color yellow as Sponge Bob.

Plus, assclown, Americans don't want a Prezo that can get the nation out of stupid shit... they want a Prezo who has the judgment to keep the nation from getting into stupid shit.

That would be O. Asante sana, Mummy.

Thank You, Hill

Check out my campaign home page. A big shout out to our girl. You rocked that shit.

Now, let's go kick the Mummy's ass!

Concession, Finally

Hill's speech just ended. She read it just like I wrote it at Dianne's crib. She even pulled off the "Yes, we can" line with aplomb. She gave it all up. And, as always, the wagon she's draggin' looked outstanding in the dark pants suit. I like a thick chick.

I was kinda pissed that the many mentions of my name peppered throughout the speech didn't cause the kind of rapturous swooning from her so-called supporters that I easily elicit from my loyal Obamabots during our massive rallies.

We are reviewing the tapes of her speech now to identify the specific non-clapping asshats and are already planning 2009's Internal Revenue audits. Suck that, ingrates.

O, out.

Prison Bitch

Get a load of this shit. Seems like Tom DeLay has more time to worry about me than the charges for which he's been indicted. As reported in DailyKos:

Tom Delay, Indicted Republican: Unless he proves me wrong, [Obama] is a Marxist.

A Marxist! Really? The best you can do is to reach back into John McCain late 40s and dredge up a relic like Karl Marx, who most people in the States don't even know?

I oughta knock this punk out when I see him. He's gotten me worked up now. Damn, I need a cigarette. My girl, Misha, is gonna kill me if she knows I'm smoking again. Good thing my peeps over at the Kos have got my back.

Hunter, Blogger: Unless he proves me wrong, Tom Delay lures children into his van with candy, gasses them to death with bug spray, and uses their powdered bones as an aphrodisiac when making love to all the animals at the San Antonio Sea World.

Asante sana, Hunter for undressing this bitch for me.

I Fucking Win

Yo, I have to admit that my girl Hill was tougher than I thought. I figured after Super Tuesday she'd understand that I spanked that shapely ass and she'd go away. But 'ol girl gets mad props for the mass balls.

Regardless, I fucking won!!

Yeah, I'm pretty stoked. I am really close to being the Prezo, which is cool don't get me wrong, but I am more excited about sleeping in the Lincoln Bedroom. That fucking moron Bush said no when I asked him about it last year so I decided to run for Prezo myself. I can't stand that idiot. Watch the set in January and you'll see me flip his ass off.

Afterwards I'm headed upstairs to drop my royal ass on Abe's bed.

O, out.